this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
