I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
