You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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