It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
