dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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