I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
