i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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