I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
