It was confusing and full of hummus
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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