omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
