we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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