I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
