Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
