I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
