why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
