I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
