I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
