This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
