I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
