can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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