my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like the Real World with babies
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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