I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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