had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
