ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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