You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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