Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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