she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.