I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me