peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.