There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you