I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
