I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
