dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
