Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..