i think my tv is drunk
my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.