ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
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you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?