I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...