Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
