No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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