If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
