I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
