I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
