what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
