Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize