I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize