Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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