Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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