Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
