Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He passed out mid-signature
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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