I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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