my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
