"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
