just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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