I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
