another moral hangover. fuck.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
