Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
