I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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