Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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