Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
