A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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