Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?