Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.