it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.