Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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