my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
