I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
