sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
