god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
