Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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